As for myself, it's been two days and I've already dropped thirty two pounds. After exercising and dieting for nearly two hours and seeing little to no change in my overall physique, I kind of freaked and took matters into my own hands; I began shearing off muscle and fat from my body with a sharpened spoon. I call this the magic spoon, as it was given to me by a wizard, or more accurately, my alter-persona, magic Earl. In hindsight, I should have taken more off, and according to Shakira, performing the operation in the middle of the street outside our apartment while blasting the opening movement from La Boheme was a poor choice.
Anyhow, it's time for an assignment. For Sunday, I would like everyone to draft a few fitness goals for themselves. This will allow me to add the 'reaching your goals award' to the final tally of awards I will win. A good idea is to set reasonable goals for yourself- ones that you can see yourself reaching. For example, in an original draft of my goals, I wrote:
Goal #1- Become invisible
Goal #2- Not cut anymore flesh from my body
Goal#3- Fly through space/ time by flexing my muscles
Goal #4- Become visible again only long enough to take 'after' photo
Goal #4- Learn compassion
As you can see, some of these goals are a little fantastic and unreasonable; I will never learn compassion, and therefore, it is an unreasonable goal to set for myself. Don't make the same mistake. (Insert unsmiley emoticon)
If you can attach these goals to an e-mail, I will be able to post them on the blog.
For successful completion of this task, you will receive 1,000 gold stars. In addition, I will then be able to assign you a fabulous moniker/ nickname.
Warning: The punishment for not completing the task is a serpent being slipped in your bedroom while you're sleeping.
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